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A Shadow Of My Former Self

September 26, 2006


La Grande Vitesse 3
Originally uploaded by Mac Girl.

I had a confrontation today. Confrontations are tough for me. I don’t deal with them well and I never have. Maybe it’s just that I’m my father’s daughter, and as such I have a short fuse. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, so I was brought up with the notion that whenever something goes wrong it’s my fault because there’s no one else around to blame. It’s probably both.

Either way, I usually go off when someone challenges something that I feel strongly about. Today was no different, though for once it was obvious that we were both in the right. Unfortunately the solutions to each of the opposing viewpoints are mutually exclusive, so a solution to the ultimate problem is less than apparent at this early stage.

Still, I wish I could teach myself to deal with these things better. I don’t want to be perfect, and I don’t want to be emotionally numb, I just want to be able to solve intensely important problems without (a) yelling (b) crying (c) walking away and stewing about it until I finally go off or (d) a nuclear mix of all of the above.

I’m not a 2-year old, I just act like one sometimes. Most often at the worst possible moment around the most important people. Don’t get me wrong – this isn’t a situation that I regularly find myself in – but when the situation does go South I’m usually the first to crack. I think I need a personality transplant.

Ok, enough with the wailing self-pity for tonight…

4 comments

  1. Sorry you had a confrontation. maybe that explains why you didn’t want to talk in the afternoon before i left on Tuesday. I am the same way, only I get too mouthy and look like a bitch. I guess we all just need to learn to accept each other, for the faults or not :)….


  2. Well, the result was that I didn’t have time to talk. At all. As for all of us learning to accept each other… yes, truer words have never been spoken. That’s true both at a personal and an international level. Thanks for understanding. 🙂


  3. Although I was sad that you didn’t “have time” to talk, I knew you probably had a lot on your plate and mind. I get that. Been there done that. As you know, my Monday was awful. Meaning the whole Child and babysitter thing. But much to my suprise, he was almost perfect on Tuesday and so far so good this week. Have a great week and weekend. Take care.


  4. oh and as far as accepting each other, I think you know I don’t mean everything anyone does to us. I just mean how we are as people and how we handle situations. Like I said and you have witnessed, I get really defensive when I think I am being attacked. But after a few minutes I realize that wasn’t it at all….so we all just have our own unique personalities that God gave us and that is what makes the world a fun place to live most of the time.



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