I had a confrontation today. Confrontations are tough for me. I don’t deal with them well and I never have. Maybe it’s just that I’m my father’s daughter, and as such I have a short fuse. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, so I was brought up with the notion that whenever something goes wrong it’s my fault because there’s no one else around to blame. It’s probably both.
Either way, I usually go off when someone challenges something that I feel strongly about. Today was no different, though for once it was obvious that we were both in the right. Unfortunately the solutions to each of the opposing viewpoints are mutually exclusive, so a solution to the ultimate problem is less than apparent at this early stage.
Still, I wish I could teach myself to deal with these things better. I don’t want to be perfect, and I don’t want to be emotionally numb, I just want to be able to solve intensely important problems without (a) yelling (b) crying (c) walking away and stewing about it until I finally go off or (d) a nuclear mix of all of the above.
I’m not a 2-year old, I just act like one sometimes. Most often at the worst possible moment around the most important people. Don’t get me wrong – this isn’t a situation that I regularly find myself in – but when the situation does go South I’m usually the first to crack. I think I need a personality transplant.
Ok, enough with the wailing self-pity for tonight…